Sometimes the hardest thing to do as a mum is nothing at all.

It is Tuesday night as I write this. The last time I left the house was Sunday afternoon. For the last two days I have spent at least 70 per cent of my time in close physical contact with my vomiting two year old, only peeling myself away for ten minutes here and there to make a meal for the non-vomiting members of my house or load the washing machine or tumble dryer. I have watched The Gruffalo’s Child at least seven times and every episode of Paw Patrol we have on demand at least twice.

Actually, let me just stop there to ask what the actual fuck is going on with Paw Patrol?

I just can’t understand why my kids like it so much. There’s only one female rescue pup and that annoys me for starters, but aside from that there’s just the fact that none of it makes any sense. What the fuck is wrong with Mayor Goodall and why is she so fucking incompetent? Why does she carry that chicken around in her handbag and talk as if she is always on the edge of some kind of psychotic meltdown?

Fucking pull yourself together Mayor Goodall. You are a disgrace. Leave the chicken at home in a chicken coop and just fucking get on with your job, ok?

Also, Ryder is such a smug little bastard isn’t he? I just . . .

I swear to God if I have to watch anymore of it I just . . .

I think I have watched too much Paw Patrol today, ok? That’s all I should really say about that.

The thing is, when your kids are ill, it’s kind of like you are too. I mean, apart from you also getting their vomiting bug which is another layer of hell I don’t even want to think about right now, but when they are ill, especially when they are toddlers, you are right there with them. Normal life just stops.

Yes, of course I want to take care of him. Of course, I see it as my responsibility and I’m lucky that I can do that, but this thing of being stuck in the house. I just find it so hard.

Sitting on the sofa, in front of yet another episode of Bing, his hot little head is on my lap and I feel as if I might lose my mind stuck in this house for another day.

And yet, I’m glad that it’s me who gets to be such a comfort to him.

Doing nothing is sometimes the thing that you need to do. Just be there. Just stay here. Just put another load of washing into the machine. Just give another cuddle

And outside, the world goes on. People are going to work, people are going out with their friends, people are creating art, people are resisting trump.

Would you like to know what I achieved today?

How I am being a mover and shaker within my spheres of influence?

Well, I found out that if you turn this knob on the side of my shower head then it sort of goes into a jet and that is really the best thing for hosing vomit of off the towels before they go into the washing machine so now it takes even less time to de-vomit stuff than before, especially those really thick towels.

That’s what I achieved today.

How about you?