‘I think that if you had really taken the time to think about it before you’d had kids then maybe you would have chosen not to and maybe that would have been the right decision for you. I don’t mean this in a bad way or anything or a nasty way. I just think you should have made a different decision.’
‘You are lucky to have husband with your sour, mean spirited rant.’
‘What I don’t understand is how these ‘yummy mummies’ can spend so much time jogging, having their nails done, sipping coffee etc and then say they have no energy to run a house, especially as practically everything is mechanically aided these days.’
‘Preposterous self-serving ‘modern woman’ feminist tosh.’
‘I feel sorry for your children.’
‘I decided I needed to write you an email after what you wrote. I read your dumb poem and it fucked me off so much.’
‘Who is the idiot writing this stuff. Is she just totally fucking stupid?’
‘You obviously don’t give a shit about your kids or their happiness.’
‘Maybe moaning and being ungrateful and angry is your main problem?’
‘Just be grateful for what you have. Moaning doesn’t help anyone.’
‘Why did you even decide to have children in the first place? You obviously don’t want them, the poor things.’
‘I had seven children. Each one was a joy and I never complained once. I just got on with it. I didn’t even mind the sleepless nights. I don’t know what is wrong with mothers nowadays.’
‘your rant on the blog, is nothing more than a first world mom complaining how hard it is for her not getting spoon feed support from the government on breast feeding….taking the easy way out with formula’
‘What society needs is less mums like you, who obviously should have thought better of their decision to have kids.’
‘you should have just closed your legs’
‘Maybe you should spend less time writing this dumb blog and more time looking after your children?’
‘You are obviously just feeling guilty about your failings as a parent. It makes me laugh to think about you writing this and pretending you are ok with your kids watching tv when they should be outside engaging with nature. Perhaps you just don’t care about their development?’
‘I hope your husband leaves you soon. It sounds like he deserves better.’
The longer I write a blog, the harder it is to get to my keyboard.
It’s quite wearing having to wade through shit like this over and over.
Generally I deal with comments like this pretty well but I think that ultimately it is quite draining and that it sometimes has an accumulative effect. How many times can you read about how much of an awful, lazy parent people think you are before it bothers you? Even though the comments come from strangers and are a very small percentage of the kind of feedback I get, even though I know that it shouldn’t bother me, sometimes it just does.
Some of the comments above are from my blog comments, some are facebook comments, some are excerpts from emails that people have sent me or direct messages on twitter. I have improved the spelling, punctuation and grammar in most cases as a little service to my haters because I have found that it’s quite common that people who send horrible messages to you on the internet have trouble with these things.
I do a lot of my blog stuff on my phone which means that I have a device in my hand, or at the bottom of my changing bag or on the work top in the kitchen or on the lounge floor which occasionally pings and tells me that I am an idiot or a terrible mother or that my husband should leave me.
God knows I’m not writing for any particular moral cause. I am no martyr. Even so, I have felt at times like my blog has been a good thing and a support for some to hear a similar voice to theirs dealing with some of the issues around becoming a mum and looking after babies and toddlers.
These days can be so long and hard and we need to have a laugh sometimes right? Or at least hear someone else say, this has been really tough today.
I haven’t written anything for ages because writing on the internet is wearing. People say awful things to you in messages and blog comments all the time. They think nothing of telling you how sorry they feel for your kids or that you should really not have had children at all because you obviously can’t cope with them. Generally people are lovely and obviously this kind of crap should just be ignored but it is wearing and I haven’t felt like dealing with it for a while.
Maybe I should also say that I have also decided to disable comments on this blog. I’ve thought about it for a while because I can’t seem to find the time to moderate them properly alongside comments on my facebook page and sometimes it’s just better to do one thing well than two things pretty badly. I figure that most people are happy to comment on facebook so I’m sticking with replying to and moderating comments there instead. There are details of how you can email me on my ‘about’ page here if you don’t do facebook, but would like to get in touch. However, if you are some guy who wants to email me a long essay about how much you hate me and my blog and all the ‘kind of mothers’ who read it (all of these things you could simply choose not to engage with) I advise you that your time might be better spent writing your essay onto a large piece of paper, awarding yourself a few gold stars for effort, screwing it up into a more compact shape and then shoving it right up your arse.
I have never really written about dealing with negative comments before. I didn’t really want to be a blogger who writes about blogging, but maybe it’s wise for me to share how I’m feeling and it might be a bit of an eye opener for some on what it’s like to write on the internet, especially perhaps, what it’s like to be a woman writing on the internet. In particular, a woman writing about motherhood who dares to say anything apart from how much of an amazing, magical, perfect time they are having being a mum.
Being a mum is everything. It is perfect in one moment and in the next, everybody is crying. It is the most love you could ever feel and on some days it is the most alone you have ever felt. It is the most fun and the most boring thing. It is the most satisfying and the most frustrating way to spend your days. The thing is, often people don’t want to acknowledge this complexity. Often people only want to hear how the good bits feel or to say that those bits make the harder parts not exist.
I have often chosen to write about those bits; the bits that are a little harder to share. Unfortunately this is not easy for some people to hear. Often all people want to hear from mums is how happy they are. It makes some people angry if they read something where a mum has written about how tired they are or how isolating motherhood can be. Rather than just ignoring something that they don’t want to read, they have chosen to get in touch with me and let me know exactly what they think of me.
Behind all the writing is just me, just a very average, very un-glamorous kind of mum who hears her phone beep at yet another kids birthday party and fishes it out of her bag to read a message starting with, ‘You know, the problem with parents like you is . . .’
I try to keep writing.
One of the main reasons is that when I became a mum for the first time and ventured out into the world of baby groups I met so many other mums who described the early days with their baby as ‘perfection’ or ‘floating on cloud nine,’ and you know, with absolutely no sneer or bitterness, I am genuinely happy for those mums. I hope that more and more people feel like that. That would be wonderful. That’s what I expected my first few weeks with my baby would feel like.
But when I heard those words, when I heard how much of a great time other people were having in their first few months of being a mum I just smiled and nodded my head and inside I just thought, ‘what is wrong with me?’ and ‘why don’t I feel like that? Why haven’t I felt floaty?’
Because instead of floating on any clouds I felt as if I had been sinking into some kind of war zone; battling my way though sleep deprivation, tears, bleeding nipples and a general feeling of shock. I didn’t realise I was supposed to be enjoying myself. I was just trying to survive from one moment to the next. I wondered if I was going to turn out to be a terrible mother.
I write to the mums who felt like me. I want you to know that it’s ok to find it hard and to not enjoy every moment. That doesn’t make you an abnormal or an unloving mum. You are just a human being. A human being who is looking after a another tiny human being and that is a very difficult thing to do.
Anyway, despite regularly being told how much of a douchebag I am, there are some perks to blogging . . .
AD CLAXON!! This is an ad part of the post!! I know that you are supposed to make that really clear for transparency and stuff so I hope this is really clear. Have never really done this before and have turned down some offers of being paid to write about stuff that I would never actually use or whatever, but then I got sent some clothes for my kids from a mum who is just starting out with her own label and I liked them so I thought I would put some pictures up and say a tiny bit about them.
Here are the pics;
The clothes are by Well Grounded Kids and they do lots of lovely bits including these awesome little bomber style jackets with various prints. My daughter is in the red arrow zip jacket with matching trousers and my son is wearing some arrow print leggings with one of their super cute racoon T-Shirts.
The clothes were really great quality; very comfortable, soft and warm and they enjoyed bum-sliding around our local skate park in them very much. Here’s a link to their website or you could check out some of their stuff on their instagram or facebook page